It's the most wonderful time of the year!

...or so some people say.  I get really excited for Christmas and Christmas music and shopping every single year and in fact, I say it is my favorite time of year but every year I end up getting stressed out and am broke as a joke.  This year seems to follow tradition.  I have been stressing out because of the end of school and my lack-o-funds to be able to shop like I want to.  Well, I am finished shopping and finished wrapping but still feel like I am not finished...like always.  I am excited to see Ellie open her presents but other than that, I could care less this year.  I guess it is because I am single and fat or maybe because I am broke and living with my Mom.  Either way, I can't wait for 2012.

Well the semester ended and it was not good.  Just as I suspected, I flunked a class and have to re-take it in the Spring.  I am not going to graduate because I overlooked a test and a paper.  What an idiot I am!!!  Oh well, I will finish in May and celebrate then.  I have lied to so many people about graduating last week so I am not going to walk or have a party when I actually finish.  This really puts a damper on me trying to find a job but I will do what I can to find something worth while and I can always fall back on Sports if I have to.

I have been hanging out with BJ more and more lately.  I really enjoy his company but I am not sure if it is because his family is so inviting and his house is so homey.?.?  I think I hang out with him because I am comfortable and I don't have anything else but I also care about him so much.  I hate being a Gemini and changing my mind every other day about things.  I change my mind every day about us; what I want from him, what he can offer me, and where we will be in a year.  He is great but his faults WAY outweigh the good things about him.  I canceled my date with Jenny's friend Zach after I talked to him on the phone for the first time.  He made it apparent that he is not the guy for me.  He told me about his Mustang that is lowered to the ground and cussed too much for comfort.  He also had the raspiest smokers voice I think I have ever heard from a 29 year old man.  As for the PE teacher that Lauren set me up with, I canceled our date too but not because he is yuck, it's because I am feeling yuck.  I am not happy with myself lately and would not want to try to date if I am not happy with the way my life is going.  I didn't graduate, I am heavier than I would like, and don't really have a job...oh and I live with my Mom.  I hope to get things together for my life in the next three months.  I am setting a goal of April 1, 2012 to have a job and lose some of this "holiday weight".  Then I will be ready to date and find and love a man because I will finally love myself.

This blog was pretty depressing and somber but that is my mood lately.  I have been using pintrest.com to find sayings and inspiration to get my mood reversed.  Hopefully it works!!