I don't even know where to begin... Well the last month has been kind of crazy. 2012 has brought lots of great and interesting things so far and I can't wait to see where it takes me.
First off, Katie asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I couldn't be more excited. She is getting married on September 22nd and we have tons of planning to do. We are having a shower, a St. Louis bachelorette party, and a Chicago bachelorette party. I am so excited but better start saving some money for all of this stuff going on.
I finally got my fat ass into the gym again. I joined Club Fitness and have been running again for training for the GO! St. Louis Half Marathon that is in April. Running has been rough but has felt good to be back. I need to get all of the fat, smoke, and cobwebs out of my lungs and hit the road. I am broke but bought myself a new pair of badass running shoes to hopefully motivate me. I have been using Fitness Pal to count my calories so hopefully it will start to show.
I MOVED!!!!!!!! I finally got out of Mom's house and moved in with Shannon in Saint Charles. I love it so far. The neighborhood is cute, there is so much stuff to do around me, and I just like having my own space and a bedroom door. I have such great friends that helped me move and got me settled. Christia and Jack didn't even hesitate to jump right in and help and BJ and Patrick came over to help too. Andy, who unfortunately always has to help, was there too. I hope to get the basement finished, or at least half way finished soon, so I can move down there. I plan to live here until I get married or she does. We will see how the last single girls standing will deal with single life together. I can't wait for all of the debauchery and madness of us hitting the town.
I have been job hunting and searching and asking and begging and pleading to try to find a job. I apply to about 2 or 3 jobs a day. I am searching for a sales gig to get back into but have had no luck. I am going to have to start searching for jobs that are not what I am looking for just to get something steady and get some insurance. We will see. I have my fingers and toes crossed.
My house is still for sale and hasn't foreclosed yet but I have received the letter of notice of foreclosure. Hopefully it will get sold before the bank takes it. It has been a long road but this road needs to come to an end. I want to get rid of the house and have it off of my stressor list. It is the biggest stressor in my life and I can't wait to get rid of it, either way.
As for the BJ situation...hmmmmmm...well......we are so up and down. I was falling in love with him and was really enjoying every minute with him. I was starting to realize that I wanted to be with him and make it work. I have those really strong feelings for him and then the overwhelming feelings of distrust takes over me and I freak out. I do this almost every week and it is JUST NOT FAIR to him or me. I usually freak out on him when I am drinking and I think I am a total badass. We had a "final goodbye" last week and ended up talking and texting every single day that we were "broken up". We ended up hanging out on Thursday and had so much fun. We just hung out at my house for a couple of hours and loved every second. I couldn't stop staring at him. I missed him so much and couldn't get enough of his smile and smell and his snugs. We are the best snugglers. Later on that evening he had had some liquid courage and a heart-to heart with his siblings and decided that what I was doing to him was not fair...which he was right. He had just now saw the light and saw that he was treated unfairly and wasn't happy with it. He wasn't mad at me in any way but was just upset. We had another "goodbye" with a million texts and videos sent to each other and LOTS of tears. I really think this is it. I think it is finally over. There is so much inside of me that doesn't want it to end because I have fallen in love with him (again) but I know that in the future this is the best for both of us. I am distraught but have to get over it and move on. I downloaded a bunch or "our songs" and cried my eyes out all day. Hopefully those songs will make me happy one day instead of sad. He will always have a place in my heart. I learned so much from him. He doesn't let things get to him and makes the best out of everything. I love that about him. His family is exactly what I want my family and future family to be like. We have such great chemistry and laugh our asses off at nothing. This is hard now, so hard. Things will get easier, it just takes time.
Some of the songs we loved:
Walk Away - Ben Harper
Coffee Song - Adam Hood
Shaman's Harvest - Say The Same
