I don't even know where to begin... Well the last month has been kind of crazy. 2012 has brought lots of great and interesting things so far and I can't wait to see where it takes me.
First off, Katie asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I couldn't be more excited. She is getting married on September 22nd and we have tons of planning to do. We are having a shower, a St. Louis bachelorette party, and a Chicago bachelorette party. I am so excited but better start saving some money for all of this stuff going on.
I finally got my fat ass into the gym again. I joined Club Fitness and have been running again for training for the GO! St. Louis Half Marathon that is in April. Running has been rough but has felt good to be back. I need to get all of the fat, smoke, and cobwebs out of my lungs and hit the road. I am broke but bought myself a new pair of badass running shoes to hopefully motivate me. I have been using Fitness Pal to count my calories so hopefully it will start to show.
I MOVED!!!!!!!! I finally got out of Mom's house and moved in with Shannon in Saint Charles. I love it so far. The neighborhood is cute, there is so much stuff to do around me, and I just like having my own space and a bedroom door. I have such great friends that helped me move and got me settled. Christia and Jack didn't even hesitate to jump right in and help and BJ and Patrick came over to help too. Andy, who unfortunately always has to help, was there too. I hope to get the basement finished, or at least half way finished soon, so I can move down there. I plan to live here until I get married or she does. We will see how the last single girls standing will deal with single life together. I can't wait for all of the debauchery and madness of us hitting the town.
I have been job hunting and searching and asking and begging and pleading to try to find a job. I apply to about 2 or 3 jobs a day. I am searching for a sales gig to get back into but have had no luck. I am going to have to start searching for jobs that are not what I am looking for just to get something steady and get some insurance. We will see. I have my fingers and toes crossed.
My house is still for sale and hasn't foreclosed yet but I have received the letter of notice of foreclosure. Hopefully it will get sold before the bank takes it. It has been a long road but this road needs to come to an end. I want to get rid of the house and have it off of my stressor list. It is the biggest stressor in my life and I can't wait to get rid of it, either way.
As for the BJ situation...hmmmmmm...well......we are so up and down. I was falling in love with him and was really enjoying every minute with him. I was starting to realize that I wanted to be with him and make it work. I have those really strong feelings for him and then the overwhelming feelings of distrust takes over me and I freak out. I do this almost every week and it is JUST NOT FAIR to him or me. I usually freak out on him when I am drinking and I think I am a total badass. We had a "final goodbye" last week and ended up talking and texting every single day that we were "broken up". We ended up hanging out on Thursday and had so much fun. We just hung out at my house for a couple of hours and loved every second. I couldn't stop staring at him. I missed him so much and couldn't get enough of his smile and smell and his snugs. We are the best snugglers. Later on that evening he had had some liquid courage and a heart-to heart with his siblings and decided that what I was doing to him was not fair...which he was right. He had just now saw the light and saw that he was treated unfairly and wasn't happy with it. He wasn't mad at me in any way but was just upset. We had another "goodbye" with a million texts and videos sent to each other and LOTS of tears. I really think this is it. I think it is finally over. There is so much inside of me that doesn't want it to end because I have fallen in love with him (again) but I know that in the future this is the best for both of us. I am distraught but have to get over it and move on. I downloaded a bunch or "our songs" and cried my eyes out all day. Hopefully those songs will make me happy one day instead of sad. He will always have a place in my heart. I learned so much from him. He doesn't let things get to him and makes the best out of everything. I love that about him. His family is exactly what I want my family and future family to be like. We have such great chemistry and laugh our asses off at nothing. This is hard now, so hard. Things will get easier, it just takes time.
Some of the songs we loved:
Walk Away - Ben Harper
Coffee Song - Adam Hood
Shaman's Harvest - Say The Same
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It's the most wonderful time of the year!
...or so some people say. I get really excited for Christmas and Christmas music and shopping every single year and in fact, I say it is my favorite time of year but every year I end up getting stressed out and am broke as a joke. This year seems to follow tradition. I have been stressing out because of the end of school and my lack-o-funds to be able to shop like I want to. Well, I am finished shopping and finished wrapping but still feel like I am not finished...like always. I am excited to see Ellie open her presents but other than that, I could care less this year. I guess it is because I am single and fat or maybe because I am broke and living with my Mom. Either way, I can't wait for 2012.
Well the semester ended and it was not good. Just as I suspected, I flunked a class and have to re-take it in the Spring. I am not going to graduate because I overlooked a test and a paper. What an idiot I am!!! Oh well, I will finish in May and celebrate then. I have lied to so many people about graduating last week so I am not going to walk or have a party when I actually finish. This really puts a damper on me trying to find a job but I will do what I can to find something worth while and I can always fall back on Sports if I have to.
I have been hanging out with BJ more and more lately. I really enjoy his company but I am not sure if it is because his family is so inviting and his house is so homey.?.? I think I hang out with him because I am comfortable and I don't have anything else but I also care about him so much. I hate being a Gemini and changing my mind every other day about things. I change my mind every day about us; what I want from him, what he can offer me, and where we will be in a year. He is great but his faults WAY outweigh the good things about him. I canceled my date with Jenny's friend Zach after I talked to him on the phone for the first time. He made it apparent that he is not the guy for me. He told me about his Mustang that is lowered to the ground and cussed too much for comfort. He also had the raspiest smokers voice I think I have ever heard from a 29 year old man. As for the PE teacher that Lauren set me up with, I canceled our date too but not because he is yuck, it's because I am feeling yuck. I am not happy with myself lately and would not want to try to date if I am not happy with the way my life is going. I didn't graduate, I am heavier than I would like, and don't really have a job...oh and I live with my Mom. I hope to get things together for my life in the next three months. I am setting a goal of April 1, 2012 to have a job and lose some of this "holiday weight". Then I will be ready to date and find and love a man because I will finally love myself.
This blog was pretty depressing and somber but that is my mood lately. I have been using pintrest.com to find sayings and inspiration to get my mood reversed. Hopefully it works!!
Well the semester ended and it was not good. Just as I suspected, I flunked a class and have to re-take it in the Spring. I am not going to graduate because I overlooked a test and a paper. What an idiot I am!!! Oh well, I will finish in May and celebrate then. I have lied to so many people about graduating last week so I am not going to walk or have a party when I actually finish. This really puts a damper on me trying to find a job but I will do what I can to find something worth while and I can always fall back on Sports if I have to.
I have been hanging out with BJ more and more lately. I really enjoy his company but I am not sure if it is because his family is so inviting and his house is so homey.?.? I think I hang out with him because I am comfortable and I don't have anything else but I also care about him so much. I hate being a Gemini and changing my mind every other day about things. I change my mind every day about us; what I want from him, what he can offer me, and where we will be in a year. He is great but his faults WAY outweigh the good things about him. I canceled my date with Jenny's friend Zach after I talked to him on the phone for the first time. He made it apparent that he is not the guy for me. He told me about his Mustang that is lowered to the ground and cussed too much for comfort. He also had the raspiest smokers voice I think I have ever heard from a 29 year old man. As for the PE teacher that Lauren set me up with, I canceled our date too but not because he is yuck, it's because I am feeling yuck. I am not happy with myself lately and would not want to try to date if I am not happy with the way my life is going. I didn't graduate, I am heavier than I would like, and don't really have a job...oh and I live with my Mom. I hope to get things together for my life in the next three months. I am setting a goal of April 1, 2012 to have a job and lose some of this "holiday weight". Then I will be ready to date and find and love a man because I will finally love myself.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I am new to this but here goes nothing!
I always said I wanted to start a blog about my life and all of the crazy things that happen on a day to day basis with me. Well, I did it! I am going to write down my life stories worth remembering and worth sharing.
Back in 2008, when I was going on 2 - 3 blind dates a week, I should have started a blog or wrote a book. I would be rich right now because of all of the hysterical stories and awful dates I went on. I met Eric in early 2009 and my life became a little more settled down and not many interesting things to write about except for how many fights we were in. I am now back to being single and starting to date again....well kind of. I met BJ just three weeks after Eric and I broke up. He really helped me get over Eric but is still not the guy for me. (I caught him lying) I am now on the market and ready to start dating again. As Lauren would say, "Single Suzanne" is back!
I am not in huge need of a boyfriend - I am in need of a husband! Well, I don't NEED one, I just want one. It seems that all of my friends are married and have kids and one by one, the single friends are dropping like flies and getting married too. By the way, Katie got engaged last night. So happy for them but just another one gone.
About me. I am 30 and a college student. I hope to graduate in three weeks. These last couple of weeks are going to kick my a$$ but it is almost over. I am really scared that I am not going to pass one of my classes but i can only do the best that I can and that's it. If I don't pass it, I re-take it in January and do better. I work at Crown Packaging and Sports Cafe. Crown is a temporary job and Sports is just one night a week for some extra cash. I actually like Crown and hope to find a position there in sales. I can't wait to not have to work at Sports anymore. I am too old to be bartending and can't stand the obnoxious drunks and old creeps. I used to run, in fact, I have run two half marathons and a couple of 5k's. I need to get back into it but have been lazy and busy (these are all excuses). I plan to run the Rock and Roll half marathon in Nashville in April and the Chicago full in October. I WILL DO IT! I am currently living with my Mom and moving in with Shannon soon. I am stressing out about who I want to get to help me move because I can't afford movers and I have exhausted my friends from moving so many times. Hopefully I stay there for a while and don't have to do that again...or at least anytime soon. I lost my best friend, Charlie the dog about a month ago. I had to find him a new home because I just didn't really have time for him. He will be missed always. I love him so much but I had to do it. One day I will be a doggie owner again (when I am settled and have time for one).
Dating scene for me now is kind of funny. I hang out with BJ a couple of days a week just for company. I really enjoy to be around him but will never trust him. Lauren set me up with the PE teacher from her school and he came to my Mom's party last night. WEIRD but so fun! I blacked out at the end of the night but my Mom told me that I was all over him. Yep, I was all over him in front of my Mom. Jenny set me up with her friend Zach and we have started texting today. We will see where both of these go. Let the games begin!!!
Back in 2008, when I was going on 2 - 3 blind dates a week, I should have started a blog or wrote a book. I would be rich right now because of all of the hysterical stories and awful dates I went on. I met Eric in early 2009 and my life became a little more settled down and not many interesting things to write about except for how many fights we were in. I am now back to being single and starting to date again....well kind of. I met BJ just three weeks after Eric and I broke up. He really helped me get over Eric but is still not the guy for me. (I caught him lying) I am now on the market and ready to start dating again. As Lauren would say, "Single Suzanne" is back!
I am not in huge need of a boyfriend - I am in need of a husband! Well, I don't NEED one, I just want one. It seems that all of my friends are married and have kids and one by one, the single friends are dropping like flies and getting married too. By the way, Katie got engaged last night. So happy for them but just another one gone.
About me. I am 30 and a college student. I hope to graduate in three weeks. These last couple of weeks are going to kick my a$$ but it is almost over. I am really scared that I am not going to pass one of my classes but i can only do the best that I can and that's it. If I don't pass it, I re-take it in January and do better. I work at Crown Packaging and Sports Cafe. Crown is a temporary job and Sports is just one night a week for some extra cash. I actually like Crown and hope to find a position there in sales. I can't wait to not have to work at Sports anymore. I am too old to be bartending and can't stand the obnoxious drunks and old creeps. I used to run, in fact, I have run two half marathons and a couple of 5k's. I need to get back into it but have been lazy and busy (these are all excuses). I plan to run the Rock and Roll half marathon in Nashville in April and the Chicago full in October. I WILL DO IT! I am currently living with my Mom and moving in with Shannon soon. I am stressing out about who I want to get to help me move because I can't afford movers and I have exhausted my friends from moving so many times. Hopefully I stay there for a while and don't have to do that again...or at least anytime soon. I lost my best friend, Charlie the dog about a month ago. I had to find him a new home because I just didn't really have time for him. He will be missed always. I love him so much but I had to do it. One day I will be a doggie owner again (when I am settled and have time for one).
Dating scene for me now is kind of funny. I hang out with BJ a couple of days a week just for company. I really enjoy to be around him but will never trust him. Lauren set me up with the PE teacher from her school and he came to my Mom's party last night. WEIRD but so fun! I blacked out at the end of the night but my Mom told me that I was all over him. Yep, I was all over him in front of my Mom. Jenny set me up with her friend Zach and we have started texting today. We will see where both of these go. Let the games begin!!!
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